December 29, 1933
As Dick sat in the doctor's office trying manfully to keep
his sobs as the doctor explored a fat finger with a knife to remove a minute
spec of thorn, the little fellow asked the doctor not to hurt him, please.
The wise and good man replied "I shan't hurt you Dick, but the thorn may."
And for some obscure reason my thoughts made a leap through time and space
and recalled the pathetic statement of Aunty M a few years ago to
the effect that her constant attitude of unselfish devotion to other peoples
interests that so often bordered on unwelcomed interference, this attitude
really did accomplish worth-while services which she was not ashamed of,
but which did not make people love her. For years I have desired to express
in some adequate way my appreciation of her influence. Unfortunately my
contacts with her were confined to years of youthful sophistication, and
even though I experienced frequently emotions of affection for her which
one little spark of maternal caressing might have kindled into adoration,
in spite of this, there has always been a barrier, real or imaginary, because
of the poor relative status, and because of my unharnessed independence
(or pure cussedness) due to the lack of home ties in my youth. This gap
in family affections has always distressed me - in much the same way an
unpaid debt haunts a debtor. Is this barrier unsurmountable? Possibly so;
but I wish it otherwise. Dick's thorn was the real source of his pain.
And what I attributed in my youth to lack of natural affections in the
good aunt, was in reality a bit of circumstance over which neither of us
had any control. And again we witness the law of life which makes service
without visible reward a high virtue, for it is built on faith. The aunt
was full of that. Now that I have attained maturity, and the perspective
of years of separation from her, how can I bridge the gap which no present
consideration seems to justify? Could a letter accomplish anything when
neither of us has scarcely met the other for about ten years? Someone urges
that one button-hole bouquet offered amid life's stress of trials is worth
thousands of wreathes of roses laid on the tomb, etc.; and on the other
hand, life is full of misunderstandings and unrequited desires, and this
looks like another good example.
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