THE LETTERS OF RICHARD WALN WELLS (part 1)
LETTER #1
When I parted from thee this afternoon my dearest girl, my feelings were such as to preclude the possibility of telling thee a thousand things which my heart dictated. I hardly know whether or not I should have been more gratified at seeing thee less affected by a parting, which altho painful in the extreme at the moment, I have no doubt thy good sense, and firmness of mind which teach thee to bear as one of those inevitable evils which we must all submit to.
Let me my dear girl impress upon thy mind, what I have many times before endeavored to. And that is not to let thy feelings overcome thy reason.
Whilst I write to thee, I can almost think that I once more see thee, and hold thee to my heart.
Thee has often told me and I most religiously believe it, that during my absence, thy conduct will be such as to insure my approbation were I present. Let me then once more beg and entreat not to give way to the feelings of a heart, the value of which I well know, and whose only fault is loving me too much for thy own happiness. Do not suppose I would abate one particle. I only wish thee properly to regulate it.
Thee will I know in a very short time love my parents as thy own.
I feel confident that in a very short time I shall see thee again. That is my and I am convinced thy greatest consolation.
God bless thee my dearest girl. Thee must, does, and will always believe (me) more than I can express.
Thine,
LETTER #2
New Castle, May 26th
Once More My Dearest A - I take up my pen to pour out to thee if possible every feeling of my soul. And its every feeling now turns toward thee. Whilst I write the ship is in sight which is to bear me far from all I hold dear on earth. Tis hard, but it is inevitable at this moment my deadliest enemy might pity me. I write incoherently and unconnectedly, but I write as I feel, and that with thee will compensate for every thing. Could I but once more hold thee to my heart, could I but once more see those eyes filled with tears at my departure, I should be more contented. My dearest girl, thy last look still is before my eyes, thy last kiss still hangs upon my lips and thy misery hangs heavy on my heart.
Until this moment I could not bear to look upon thy picture. And when I did it completely unmanned me. The packet with Capt. Cooper is in sight and in an hour we weigh anchor. Redwood I hope will send me a few lines by him telling me how thee is. Not for worlds would I again see that look of heartfelt woe impressed upon thy face. Thee could not see me, but it went to my very heart. Thee promised me (and thee will not deceive me) to endeavor to overcome in some degree thy feelings.
Do but that. And my love for thee will if possible be increased. My dearest girl, thee is and will be always present to my thoughts. Farewell may heaven bless thee. Once more
Adieu,
RWW
I will if I am not sea sick, write to thee from the capes
NOTE (Poem?)
Have I a wish? Tis all for thee
First? A wish - tis all for me
So soft our moments move
That, angels look with ardent eyes
Well pleased to see our happy days
And bid us live - and love
If cares arrive (and cares will come)
Thy bosom is my softest home
I lull me there to rest
And is there aught disturb my {?} fair
I bid her sigh out all her care
LETTER #3
Ship Caledonia - Friday
1815
Altho' tis but a few hours since I wrote thee, yet lest the letter should miscarry, I will write thee a few lines by Tom, who has changed his mind and intends returning to town tonight. Would to heaven it were possible for me to change situations with him this night. But regrets now are useless, & hard as is the trial, I must and will bear it with fortitude. I have read thy letter, every word engraven on my memory and could anything make me love thee more, would be by reading the sentiments there expressed. Thee speaks of my indulgences often being granted to thy weaknesses. My dearest girl, I have never yet found in thee one single quality which I would wish changed. For thy own sake I have sometimes wished thy feelings were less susceptible. And even then I have checked the wish. For then thy love for me could not be of that kind, which is the comfort and happiness of my life.
I already begin to anticipate the pleasure, the rapture with which I shall be received on my return and that alone is sufficient to raise my spirits however depressed.
Fancy me once more by thy side, fancy all that I would say, all that I would feel, and it would still fall far short of my feelings towards thee now. I cannot express, but thee can understand them.
Again I read thy letter. My poor dear girl, from my soul I feel for thee, and could any sacrifice of mine, short of the loss of reputation, restore thee to happiness. I would cheerfully submit to it, almost to the loss of life and soul. The prayers which Thy pure heart will Breathe for me will be heard, and I again shall clasp thee in my arms, never more to leave thee.
LETTER #4
Off Cape Henlopen
May 27, 1815 - 8 o'clock am
In an hour my dearest girl we shall be at sea and I therefore now write to thee for the last time. We have as fine a wind as we could wish and every thing appears to promise us a pleasant voyage. I cannot say more to thee than I have in my last two letters. I shall always love thee, and always look forward with impatience and anxiety to the time of our again meeting, which I hope will be the beginning of April. I yesterday received a few lines from Redwood for which I feel truly grateful. He writes me that thee was much more composed than when I left thee. For my sake if not for thy own, endeavor to overcome thy feelings. Think not of the past. Tis inevitable. Look forward to the future. Look forward to the day of my return which will amply compensate us for the pain of absence. My heart feels almost bursting whilst I once more hold thee to my heart and bid thee adieu.
Farewell my dearest girl. In a short time we meet, never I hope to part again.
LETTER #5
Off Cape Henlopen
June 17, 1815
I am afraid my dear girl thee will be disappointed at not hearing from me sooner, but we have been detained till now by contrary winds, much to our regret. I never thought it possible that I should wish to get farther from thee, yet so it is now. Every hour I am absent from thee, brings nearer that wished for, long anticipated hour, when I again shall see what I most value on earth.
Notwithstanding my hard fate compels me to leave thee in search of that fortune without which it is impossible for us to be happy, yet when I consider my situation I cannot but think myself much more happy than at first sight would seem. I have a family, friends whom I love, and to whom I think I am dear, and more than all I am blessed with thy heart, with thy affections my dearest girl, which I prize almost more than I think I ought. For in comparison to thee, parents, friends and every thing else on earth vanishes and sinks into nothing.
I know that my affection is returned and amply repaid. That is a consolation which even on the bed of death never will forsake me.
When this letter reaches thee, I will hope thee will be with my family, who even did thee not so amply merit it for thy own sake, would love thee for mine. Banish, or at least strive to banish at least whilst with them, that gloom with which I am afraid thy mind will be overcast.
Above all things let me reiterate the caution I can not too often give thee. Be careful of thy health, and for heavens sake get rid of that pain in thy breast, which used to and does now give me many uneasy moments. Tom is just about bidding me good bye. He can tell thee a thousand things about me, which to thee will be interesting. For the last time my dearest girl farewell. God bless thee. God bless thee, will always be the fervent prayer of thine for ever
LETTER #6
Ship Caledonia
Aug 30, 1815
Off Cape of Good Hope
It will rejoice thee my dearest A. to hear once more from me, and to know that we have completed the most disagreeable part of our passage in safety. I am and have been perfectly well since I left Philadelphia. Would to heaven I could once more be there and once more hold to my heart what I most value on earth. Time however must fly and I again shall be happy. I write these few hasty lines by a vessel which is now bearing down for us and which we hope will board us altho' there is a very heavy sea on. This boat will stay alongside but a moment and I must be speedy. Thee has by this time I am willing to hope, become in a manner reconciled to our temporary seperation, and will meet me on the 1st of next June with renovated spirits.
I conjure thee to be careful of thy health. I would for that reason as well as others wish thee to spend a short time at Trenton. Thee has by this time no doubt become perfectly acquainted with my family. For both your sakes I wish it, as I am convinced it is only necessary for them to know thee, to love thee. We have had an uncommonly delightful passage. I have every prospect of making a quick one to Canton. Give my best love to all thy family. I expect I shall have an opportunity of writing home immediately on our arrival out. So that in 2 or 3 months after receipt of this letter, thee may expect another. Farewell my dearest girl. That heaven may preserve thee and restore thee once more to me is the constant prayer of thine for ever.
LETTER #7
Ship Caledonia at sea
October 1, 1815
I have been walking the deck for two hours on the loveliest night that the imagination can form, thinking of thee my dearest girl, and of happy times now gone by spent in thy society. Some meloncholy and some pleasing anticipations have ruled my thoughts by turns, such as they are thee shall have, for whilst I write I almost think I am conversing with thee. My sleeping and my waking dreams all tend to one point, and numberless are the schemes of felicity I have planned, heaven only knows whether they will ever be realized. Were thee by my side one hour to night, thee would feel happy for callous must be that heart who could look on this scenery unmoved, and when joined to the presence of a beloved object 'twould be doubly delightful.
As I leant over the vessel's side tonight I almost fancied that thee was with me, and for a moment I forgot myself entirely. I awakened as I have often before to sad reality.
We have been for the last 24 hours, coasting along the island of New Holland, within three or four miles of the shore. There is not however a vestage of a human being. All is dreary and desolate. Yet to us the sight was cheering. It seemed to reanimate every soul on board. Add to this a most heavenly day, and a sky only seen in the tropics and impossible to be conceived by any who have not seen it, the sea smooth as glass, and thee will not wonder that my feelings were attuned to love, and that the impulse to take my pen is irresistable.
In five or six days we hope to reach Ballambouang, a small Dutch settlement on the coast of the island of Java, in the straights of Bally, where we intend stopping for a few hours, to get fowls, vegetables etc etc. For 112 days passage has exhausted us a good deal. I hope to be able to sent this letter from there by the way of Batavia and England, and shall write thee again there. I wrote thee a few hasty lines by the Peacock, Capt Warrington who boarded us off the Cape of Good Hope the 30th of August. I hope my letters will reach America. From that day we had a succession of gales and head winds which detained us so long, that we would not attempt the common passage, and shall therefore probably not get to Canton before the middle of November. We are going the route that I believe Redwood did. Tell him we go through the Straights of Bally and Masasscar, and into the Pacific Ocean to the Eastward of the Peleus (or perhaps the Westward) and he will be able to give thee much more information than I can of the passage. It will be I know interesting to thee. I am afraid my dear A I shall not see thee before the first of July. So do not be uneasy at our lengthly passage. Remember me affectionately to all thy family. Let but a few months pass away and I again shall mix in that circle which alone can constitute my happiness. Farewell my dearest girl. Let me but once more see thee in health and unchanged and then let fortune do her worst.
Once more farewell
LETTER #8
Ballambouang
Oct 9th, 1815
At last my dear girl we have arrived here, tho' not so soon as I expected, and I hope that this letter will reach thee in a hundred days. I know not what more to say to thee than I have already of my affection for thee, thee is well assured and that affection will end only with my life. Of thine I never had and never can have a doubt. Thee has allied thy fate to one my dear girl, who as yet has been productive of infinitely more misery than happiness to thee, but the first moments that we meet again will amply compensate for all. Keep up thy spirits, in a few short months I again shall see thee. I hope to meet letters at Canton from America, twill be a great disappointment to me if I do not. Farewell my dearest A. May heaven bless thee.
RWW
I hope thee has paid some visits to Trenton. It will gratify them. And for my sake they will love thee. Did thee not richly deserve it for thy own.
Again Farewell
Letter index
Letters part 2
RWW page
